Time Will Tell
by Firespirit1
Summary: Race dies and Jess copes. J/J angst.


Name: Firespirit  
E-mail: ElBucko17@aol.com  
Title: Time Will Tell  
Category: Music Fic, Angst, J/J Romance, Future  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in Jonny Quest, never did and   
unfortunately never will. Sigh Don't worry I'll manage to go on with   
my life somehow. Song is Full Of Grace by Sarah McLachlan. Again I own   
neither the song nor the person.  
Archivers: Go ahead. Tell me first (Unless I sent it to you, in which   
case carry on.)  
Summary: Jessie looks back on her father's death and how it affected  
her life.  
Added Notes: Written 3 years ago. I'd like to think my writing has   
improved somewhat, but nonetheless I like this piece.  
  
Time Will Tell   
  
The plain white envelope stared up at me from it's place on my kitchen   
table. I had dropped it there like a hot coal as soon as I read the   
return address. It couldn't be...after all these years. Yet Jonny Quest  
was written there, plain as day. My hands trembled as I reached for the   
letter again. But I jerked my hands back before I could touch it. It was  
like...it was like if I didn't read it then I wouldn't have to face my   
past. But in the end, simple curiosity overcame me, so I turned the   
radioto a soft station, grabbed the letter, and sat down in my favorite   
chair.   
  
It took me forever to get the damn thing open and my hands were shaking   
so much that I nearly tore the envelope in pieces. It took me about five   
minutes to get the envelope open, but only a fraction of that time to   
read the letter inside.  
  
I don't know how long I sat in the dark letting the letter sink in. A   
slow tune played on the radio and I let the words wash over me and the   
memories play.  
  
  
The winter here's cold and bitter  
It's chilled us to the bone  
We haven't seen the sun for weeks   
Too long, too far from home  
  
  
It was February when my father died. I can see his funeral if I close my  
eyes. I remember wishing for snow. Daddy deserved to at least be buried   
on a beautiful day. But it was ugly. The surrounding fields were brown   
and barren and the trees reached out towards me with skeletal hands. The   
sun was mourning behind still, gray clouds. No tears stained my face as   
I watched my dad be lowered into a frozen hole in the earth. I wanted to   
cry, to sob with grief, but no tears came.   
  
I felt a strong arm surround my shoulders and I let myself be drawn into   
Jonny's comforting embrace. He said nothing, just held me as if he was   
waiting for me to say something, anything. But I didn't speak a word,   
just watched the machine lower a man I loved more than life into the   
cold, unforgiving ground with a serene expression playing across my face.  
  
I think that scared Jonny more then if I'd thrown myself, screaming onto   
my father's coffin.  
  
  
I feel just like I'm sinking,   
And I claw for solid ground.  
I'm pulled down by the undertow.  
I never thought I could feel so low.  
In all of the darkness I feel like letting go.   
  
  
When we got back to the Compound went straight to the cliffs. I couldn't  
bear their pitying glances and hushed whispers. I looked out at the sea   
and the thought of jumping crossed my mind. Oh, to be able to soar   
through the sky, free as a bird, even if only for a few seconds! But I   
couldn't bring myself to jump. I couldn't bring everyone I loved more   
pain and sorrow to deal with. They deserved better than that. They   
deserved better than me.  
  
  
If all of the strength,  
And all of the courage  
Come and lift me from this place,  
I know I can love you much better than this.  
Full of Grace  
My love.  
  
  
That's when I knew that I had to leave. I couldn't lean on the ones I   
loved forever. But right then, I wanted nothing more then to fall back   
into the arms that were always there. And that scared me. Needing   
someone. An uncertain voice interrupted my thoughts.  
  
"Jess? Are you okay?"  
  
Was I okay? Was I okay! My father was dead and I was about to leave   
three of the most important people I had left and he asks if I'm okay! I  
started laughing.   
  
Jonny reached out and turned me around to face him. Maybe it was looking  
into those blue, blue eyes full of concern...maybe the shock of my Dad's  
death had finally worn off. I really don't know. But when Jonny turned   
me around my laughter turned to tears. Jonny hugged me and I sobbed on   
his shoulder. He rubbed my back and whispered foolish things like "It'll  
be all right." Looking back at his words anger flares inside of me. What  
bullshit! Nothing would ever be the all right again. But I guess at the  
time, it was what I needed to hear.  
  
  
"It's better this way," I said.  
Having seen this place before,  
Where everything we say and do,   
Hurts us all.  
  
  
Trusting Jonny enough to let him see me cry may not seem like much, but  
it was. My father had only seen me cry twice since I turned eight. I   
think it's a control problem. I see crying as a weakness, I guess. Jonny   
held me while I cried and I fell in love. I couldn't of picked a worse   
time to fall in love with my best friend. That situation on it's own is   
complicated enough. I had too many problems to deal with.I had to get   
away from it all!   
  
Somewhere along my dizzy train of thoughts I stopped crying. Realizing   
that tears were no longer streaming down my cheeks I pulled back and   
looked into Jonny's eyes. "I'm leaving."  
  
  
It's just that we stay too long,  
In the same old sickly skin.  
I'm pulled out by the undertow.  
I never thought I could feel so low.  
In all of the darkness I feel like letting go.  
  
  
Leaving was hard but letting go was harder. It was lightly snowing at   
the airport the day I left. Dr. Quest offered to take me to my mother in  
the Dragonfly. But to tell the truth I don't think he even knew how to   
fly it and there was no way in hell I was letting Jonny fly me to Peru.   
And there was no point in imposing on Dr. Quest any longer. Not with Dad  
gone. I hugged Dr. Quest and Hadji good-bye, murmuring the usual   
bullshit about writing and such. I paused at Jonny.  
  
"I love you Jess. Please don't go. I need you. "Jonny whispered   
brokenly.The dam I'd been holding back broke and tears spilled over onto   
my cheeks.  
  
"I love you too. But I have to go. There's no point in staying anymore."  
  
"What about me?" he asked, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek.  
  
"What about ME? I have to do what is best for ME."   
  
We both knew that there was no point in saying anymore so we just hugged  
as if we never wanted to let go. As if we never wanted that moment to   
end. But the last call for my flight snapped us back to reality. I   
grabbed my travel bag and walked to my gate. I stopped to glance back   
one last time and wave. Then I boarded my plane and didn't look back   
again.   
  
But it didn't matter. My parting glance of the three of them would be   
engraved in my mind forever.  
  
  
If all of the strength,  
And all of the courage  
Come and lift me from this place,  
I know I can love you much better than this.  
Full of Grace  
I know I can love you much better than this.  
It's better this way.  
  
  
For the first few years we kept in touch through e-mail, letters and   
occasionally phone calls. But my answers were always short and to the   
point. So it's no surprise that the letters became fewer and fewer until  
we only wrote at Christmas. And eventually that stopped too.   
  
I was a bitch, I readily admit it. But I had to be. It was hard not to   
accept all the invitations for visits. It was hard to not be able to   
tell them anything and everything about my life the way I used to. But   
in order tolet Dad go, I had to let go of that part of my life. I hadn't  
heard from any of them in a long time. Until now that is.  
  
  
The letter drifted out of my hand and hit the floor with a soft rustle,   
jarring me from my self-induced daze. I glanced at it lying on the   
ground.  
  
  
Dear Jess,  
I wish my first letter to you in over four years could be filled   
with good news. Why did we loose touch? Never mind, that's not important   
now. Jess, Dad's dead. I know we haven't talked in a long time, Jess,   
but I still consider you one of my best friends. Hadji's in Banglore   
trying to settle the uprising there, so he won't be able to make it to   
the funeral. Would you come? I'm a mess and I really need someone to talk  
to right now. But I don't need just anyone. I need you. Please come Jess.  
Love,  
Jonny  
  
So that brings you up to where I am now. On a plane bound for Maine.   
Jonny needs me...and I need him. The letter in my hand is stained with   
tears. I can't tell if they're mine or Jonny's. Probably both.   
  
Looking back I realize that I was wrong. I pushed the ones I loved away   
when I should have held them tightly and never let them go. But it's too  
late to save the past. There's only the future.   
  
I hope that we can pick up where we left off. I'd like to think that it   
will be just like it was. They say time heals all wounds. I guess I'll   
find out when I get there. 


End file.
